I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
are you so shy because you have an std?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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