explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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