remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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