Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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