I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
