It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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