FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.