I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon