yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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