Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
