So drunk its hurt
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
