I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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