Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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