my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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