That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
then he tried to convert me to islam
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
