So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
