I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Found the puke drawer
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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