I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
