I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
