Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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