I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Randomize
