They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
