if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
