pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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