All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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