Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
