this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
