I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
