There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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