Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
