Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
