Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
