she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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