Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
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I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
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Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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