I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
