I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize