He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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