i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
