you traded sex for a burrito?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
