Quick, to the slutcave!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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