oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
