You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
