I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
