I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
