Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
