Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
operation have a gay friend backfired
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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