I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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