Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
