I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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