what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
