Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
