Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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