Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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