It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
