the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
