dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
