even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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