I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
