I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
