My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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