He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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