i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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