I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
