woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize