me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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