I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
