Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
