I got chris browned last night
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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