marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
