we have pet lesbian snakes
Soap is not a condiment
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
