Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
