girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Randomize
