I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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