Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
