Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
